Julie's Journal

Well yesterday was quite the day, and I was very happy to lay down in bed and fall asleep. I had a little chat (HA) with Justin’s math teacher. I got to voice my concerns over the cram session she calls teaching, and she went on to tell me that summers are usually time off for teachers but she “volunteered” to teach this summer. So basically what I took from the conversation was she doesn’t want to be there anymore than Justin does, so it’s a lose lose situation for everyone.

There is some “no homework” policy that she decided to break, and gave me the missing assignments that Justin needs to make up at home. I explained to her that while they are cramming all day with 14 pages out of the math book, that Justin gets behind. Then the next day with 14 more pages, the cycle starts all over, and there is really no possible way for him to get caught up, without taking some of them home.

She had also told me that one day Justin fell asleep at his desk, and instead of waking him up, she took a picture of him with her cell phone, just in case I wanted to see it. Now does this seem as horribly wrong to anyone else as it does to me. Turn the tables a bit. Let’s say a male teacher took a picture of your daughter with his cell phone. All fucking hell would break lose now wouldn’t it? Her intentions were probably very innocent, but I don’t feel comfortable with it at all, and I told her so. I mean really, what is she going to do with this picture? Upload it to Flickr? Upload it to her MySpace. Does she own the website “kidsthatsleepinmyclass.com.” WTH? Not cool, not cool at all.

So my day ended with my family calling 911, because I had a panic attack. At least I think that is what it was. I had taken the Xanax that my doctor gave me, but things still felt like doom, and I just didn’t think I could get a handle on things. I got scared, and nervous, then just shut down. I could hear them talking to me but I couldn’t respond. They checked my vitals and I was fine, and there was no need to take me to the hospital. They just said to sleep it off, and that is what I did. Sometimes I just feel so alone, and the anxiety gets the best of me.

I slept in really late, and Michael is working from home so he could take Justin to school today. I took another Xanax around 7AM and it felt good to sleep. Now I just feel numb. So I go from caring too much to not caring at all. I need to find a happy medium in all this.

For those of you using WordPress for your blogs, you know that little saying that comes up in your dashboard on the top right? Today mine says “You’re still goin’ strong.” And you know what? I’m still goin’, I’m just not so sure about the strong part.

[tags]Xanax, anxiety, panic attacks, worrying[/tags]

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example work

[tags]photo art, digital photos[/tags]

Does anyone watch Entourage? When it first came out it seemed to be all over the internet as the next great show, so we started watching it, and got instantly hooked. We love all the characters, and especially Johnny “Drama” Chase, played by Kevin Dillon. He always makes us laugh. Then there is Ari Gold, played by Jeremy Piven. His character is the BOMB, and he plays it so well.

Anyway, about two weeks ago I had a dream about Ari. One of those real life sex dreams that make you wake up looking around for the person to see if he’s in bed with you. I was so disturbed about it that I even told Michael, who got a great laugh out of it. Ari Gold! Who the hell thinks Ari Gold is hot? I certainly have never watched him on TV and thought, “hey I want a piece of that!” I couldn’t fathom for the life of me where that dream came from.

Then last night, holy shit, another Ari dream! What the hell is going on with me? Make him leave my dreams!!!! Here’s a picture of him if you’ve never seen him, and for god’s sake, I actually had to find one where I didn’t think he was sexy, and he’s even the same age as I am. I’ve lost my mind.

[tags]Jeremy Piven, Ari Gold, Entourage[/tags]