I can’t believe how far into a depressive state I can fall. When I am at “that time of the month” everything around me just turns into the worst thing ever, and I want nothing to do with it. I am mean to my kids, I am mean to my husband, and I am mean to my friends. I tune everything out and I just lie in my bed for days watching TV, although whatever is on, I’m not really paying attention to.
And it’s really not a hormonal thing. My “that time of the month” has taken over my life in a physical state. It is so bad that I can’t function in my daily activities. It is so bad, and so painful, that I am just an evil bitch to anyone that comes around me. It is so bad that I just disconnect from the world.
I don’t want to be that person. I want to be funny and witty and make people laugh! I want to do the “Sourdough Bread Dance” and make my husband laugh his ass off. I want to snuggle and kiss him and tell him he’s the greatest thing that has happened to me. I want to be the best mom ever and make my kids happy.
Luckily I see a light at the end of this tunnel in the form of a PPO where I get to have more of a say in my health care than when I had my HMO. Please tell me this is so. I am anxiously awaiting my doctors appointment on the 29th of January.
On this day..
Comments
I completely understand. I don’t get a period anymore, my body is so messed up from my back problem and then surgery to fix that, but I still get all the symptoms of it, like it wants to happen, it just never does.
My docs have tried everything they can think of to try and help me but so far nothing has worked.
I hope you can get some relief soon. It is totally miserable feeling so down and unable to control it.
PPO’s rock. 
I get pretty beotchy myself.. funny that you and I are at the same crux in the month right now. I get overly frustrated and annoyed. Then I get to the point where I don’t want to be touched, bothered, spoken to, or even acknowledged… I suspect that I am bipolar as well so that doesn’t help anything. PPO is better than HMO in so many ways..and it’s cheaper overall. You get to choose your own doctor, switch if they suck, and have a say in most parts of your treatment.
Laura on 28 December, 2006 at 10:51 am
(((Julie))) I hear you on the feeling out of control, and wanting to just hide from the world. Hope you love your PPO, I know I’ve been very happy with mine.
The first step is recognizing it and asking for help. I figured you were PMSing yesterday when I IM”d you. (((hugs)))
I prefer the PPO as well…hope you straighten things out. It’s overwhelming at times…I feel your pain. Depression, PMS, hormones, screwed up things in life…and then right in that time of life, all i want to do is cry and i don’t even know why…but i can’t change it..just doesn’t change…i have to get through it over and over again…and it sucks. Hang in there.
Loretta on 29 December, 2006 at 1:04 am
Oh, do I ever sympathize with you. I hide in bed for a week (sometimes a week and half) and I don’t want to talk to anyone or look at anyone or do anything. Just blah, yuck, ew miserable feeling.
I hope your appointment goes well and they get you feeling yourself again 
We like happy Julie!
Terri on 29 December, 2006 at 11:27 am
Awww…hope you can get it straightened out.
(((Julie))) Wow, it sounds like you and I go through something similar. I’m just emerging from a horribly dark depressive state which also coincided with that time of month. I hadn’t made that connection until I read your post.
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