Julie's Journal

Every few years this pops up on the internet again and it always makes me smile and literally laugh out loud. It came out originally in Housekeeping Monthly on May 13, 1955 and the original print can be seen here.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed: As concerned I am about his needs, I really am, a delicious meal is not ready for him. He generally doesn’t get home until way after dinner time, so the boys and I have eaten something frozen or leftovers. He is left to fend for himself.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people: The minute I get home the bra goes off, and shorts and a t-shirt go on. The last thing I do is touch up my makeup. More than likely I have washed it all off by now and my hair is pulled up in a rubber band.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it: Sorry…I’m not gay.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables: Uh, no. He can move it out of the way if needed.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction: The only reason a fire would ever be going is because I was cold and I wanted it lit. His comfort never entered my mind.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet: Encourage two teenage boys to be quiet? HAHAHA
• Be happy to see him: Okay, I am always happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him: I am usually too tired to smile. It’s usually more of a smirk.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours: Me? Shut up? HAHAHA! Never!
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems: I’m always bitching about something that happened during the day.
• Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work: Uh…I will cut him if he stays out all night.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him: He’s not disabled, he can lie himself down in bed if that is what he wants.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice: Once again, he has arms. He can take his own shoes off.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him: I am the interrogation queen. I want to know anything and everything. I will ask questions all day and all night if I choose to.
• A good wife always knows her place: Well okay, I do know where my place is, but this is PG rated blog, so I won’t go there.