Julie's Journal

I’ve had it. I am ready to stand out in front of the high school every morning with a sign that reads, “SLOW DOWN YOU IDIOT MORON LOSER ASSCLOWN FUCKSTICKS!” I need a bull horn so I can scream it also.

What part of the big 25 painted on the street doesn’t clue you in that you need to slow down? Or what about that big yellow sign hanging from the post with the bright flashing yellow lights? Did it ever occur to you that they are there for more than your viewing pleasure? I know living in Vegas you are use to the bright lights but that one hanging above my kids school is not for the $1.99 steak and egg breakfast special at the casino.

And the big bold white lines painted on the street that all those kids are walking on?? That’s a crosswalk for the kids to get to school. When you see them in the street, you stop your god damn car. You don’t slowly creep up, rolling your car while they walk across. I’m fairly certain the manufacturer of your car installed these things called brakes. You push that little peddle to the left of your gas peddle and you stop for those kids.

And if one more of you honk at those kids crossing the street because they are going too slow for you, I am going to park my car, jump out, rip off your steering wheel and shove it down your throat.

And I will give props to the kids driving to school. I have never seen one of them not obeying the speed limit. They all slow down, stop when they are suppose to, and are courteous to the other students in the crosswalk. The number one violators that I have observed are older women, mostly with grey hair, or executives in suits and driving fancy cars.

I’m not a violent person, I really am not. But my blood just boils every morning dropping off my precious cargo and visualizing what could happen because these people can’t take the law seriously. I know tickets in school zones are double the fine, but I would really like to see a more serious consequence for breaking the law in the school zones. Maybe a 90 day suspension of their license would wake them up to the dangers they are causing?

And if you take anything from this post…please let it be awareness when you are driving around the schools. Slow down…please. You don’t want to come face to face with a parent of the kid you just hit. We watch this all year long and trust me; the anger is pent up inside of us just waiting to be released.

Okay, right on! Here is Weird Al Yankovic’s new music video, White & Nerdy. I know so many people just like this. In fact, I live with one

Do you wash your dishes by hand; use a dishwasher, or both? I wash my dishes by hand then put them in the dishwasher.

To me, the dishwasher is nothing more than a sanitation device. It couldn’t possibly clean the dishes as well as I can by hand right??!! Well I’ve been proven wrong, but I’m not going to tell my kids. I want them to believe that my way of washing them first is the best way.

J.R. was on dish duty the other night and I didn’t feel well enough to get up out of bed and inspect his work. He didn’t start it as it wasn’t full. Yesterday morning I washed the dishes in the sink by hand then went to load them in the dishwasher. The ones he had loaded were still in there, unwashed, and smelly. YUCK!

I decided to test out my theory and run the dishwasher without re-doing his work. I couldn’t wait to show him how they do not come clean if you don’t pre wash them! YEAH! Control freak at her finest.

Imagine my surprise when I went to unload it this morning and all the dishes were crystal clean and they even smelt clean. I’m not sure if I can break my habit of pre washing them, but at least I know now that when the boys don’t do things my way things still work out.

Every few years this pops up on the internet again and it always makes me smile and literally laugh out loud. It came out originally in Housekeeping Monthly on May 13, 1955 and the original print can be seen here.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed: As concerned I am about his needs, I really am, a delicious meal is not ready for him. He generally doesn’t get home until way after dinner time, so the boys and I have eaten something frozen or leftovers. He is left to fend for himself.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people: The minute I get home the bra goes off, and shorts and a t-shirt go on. The last thing I do is touch up my makeup. More than likely I have washed it all off by now and my hair is pulled up in a rubber band.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it: Sorry…I’m not gay.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables: Uh, no. He can move it out of the way if needed.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction: The only reason a fire would ever be going is because I was cold and I wanted it lit. His comfort never entered my mind.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet: Encourage two teenage boys to be quiet? HAHAHA
• Be happy to see him: Okay, I am always happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him: I am usually too tired to smile. It’s usually more of a smirk.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours: Me? Shut up? HAHAHA! Never!
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems: I’m always bitching about something that happened during the day.
• Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work: Uh…I will cut him if he stays out all night.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him: He’s not disabled, he can lie himself down in bed if that is what he wants.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice: Once again, he has arms. He can take his own shoes off.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him: I am the interrogation queen. I want to know anything and everything. I will ask questions all day and all night if I choose to.
• A good wife always knows her place: Well okay, I do know where my place is, but this is PG rated blog, so I won’t go there.

Okay, these guys, and girls, at PPP.com had a blast in New York City. They had a plan to get on the Today show out in Rockefeller center for a little guerilla marketing campaign. They printed out posters, with PayPerPost.com on them, and then give them to all the tourist standing around trying to get on camera. Along with the poster, they gave out markers so they could write the traditional, “Hi Mom!” or “Hello From Minnesota.” And T-shirts! And Silly Putty! An absolutely brilliant idea! Now I wish I would have seen it live on TV.