Julie's Journal
Good girls have diaries... Bad girls have blogs!Today was my annual squish check up. No one looks forward to it, as it hurts like hell, but we have to do it. Sandee reminds me daily of how important it is. We buck up with the best smile we have, and go in the exam room with courage.
Right side squish.
Left side squish.
Right top squish.
Left top squish.
The technician leaves the room to make sure the films are okay, and you sit and pray that they are, so you don’t have to do it again. The procedure is routine and we know what to expect.
Except today. It was different.
I’ve had Fibrocystic Breasts as long as I can remember now. I didn’t start having the elusive squish test until my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. All my tests have come back normal. No need to worry. See ya next year!
Everything was different today. They did the squish, then the technician came back into the room and said the doctor wants an ultrasound done right away. I was swept away into that room and the technician began the test. She asked me 34829082039839024 questions as she was taking pictures.
“Do you know you have abnormal cyst?”
“Yes.”
“Do they hurt?”
“Sometimes”
“Have you ever had a biopsy?”
“No. I was never told to.”
“Did this 7cm one just show up?”
“Yes I think so basically. I didn’t notice it, my boyfriend did.”
“Were you shocked when you felt it?”
“Well no…is it just a cyst, or do you see something more?”
“Is it still raining outside?”
“I’m not sure. Do you see more?”
“I will be right back.”
She then left the room and came back after about a minute.
“The doctor wants to take a look at the images, so if a man walks in here don’t be alarmed.”
“Okay.”
“Hello, I am Dr. (I have no clue what he said) and the technician advised me to review your images.”
He pokes around on my chest, looks at the images, and then takes a couple more pictures. He leaves the room and the technician came in. She told me to get dressed then come out and see her before I go. She asked me if I needed a glass of water and put a stool under the bed to help me get up. I did as was told, and came out of the room. She was waiting for me and patted me on the back as she told me the doctor will send the results to my doctor right away and my doctor will probably call me today.
She didn’t call…and here I sit analyzing the whole thing. Thinking about their expressions, and the way they spoke. Did they hint to anything? Did their faces show something I should be worried about? The pat on the back? Was that just a friendly gesture or something more?
The waiting is the hardest part, but I am so grateful to have the friends that I do that will read and listen to the fears I have right now.
‘Oh terribly bad!’ said the princess. ‘I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night! Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing, and my whole body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible!’
I don’t have twenty mattresses but I’m sure my one mattress cost as much as her 20 mattresses did in the 1800′s.
Why do I wake up hurting? Why do I ache?
I just found a fake pearl bead under my sheet.
This explains everything…now where is my Prince???
click to enlarge
She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she’ll tell you she’s an orphan
After you meet her family
She paints her eyes as black as night, now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pain’s gonna make everything alright
Says she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
She talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet
Says she talks to angels,
Says they all know her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
She don’t know no lover,
None that I ever seen
Yes, to her that ain’t nothing
But to me, yeah me,
It’s everything
She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah, there’s a smile when the pain comes,
The pain’s gonna make everything alright, alright yeah
She talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
Oh yeah, yeah, angels
Call her out by her name
Oh, angels
They call her out by her name
Oh, she talks to angels
They call her out
Yeah, they call her out
Don’t you know that they call her out by her name
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry, no
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby hello, oh no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’ s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s, ah, impossible
This kiss, this kiss
Unstoppable
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to snow white
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby I’m forever yours
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s, ah unthinkable
This kiss, this kiss
Unsinkable
This kiss, this kiss
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky, oh
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside, oh
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let everything slide
You got me floating
You got me flying
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s (ah) subliminal
This kiss, this kiss
It’s criminal
This kiss, this kiss
It’s the way you love me baby
It’s the way you love me, darlin’
It’ s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s (ah) subliminal
This kiss, this kiss
It’s criminal
This kiss, this kiss
It’s the way you love me baby
It’s the way you love me darlin’
if someone else showed you the way
would you take the wheel and steer?
it hurts me that you’re not ashamed
of what you’re doing here
if they jumped off a bridge
would you meet them on the ground?
or would you try and claim
that it never made a sound
everyone plays the hand they’re dealt
and learns to walk through life themselves
not everything in life is handed on a plate
when people think your words are true
it doesn’t matter what you do
i sold my soul to get here
how ’bout you?
so you choose to force your hand
what a strange way to make friends
and you always change the rules
so the drama never ends
and you blindly go through life
judging only by its worth
just try not to forget
that the meek inherit earth
so please don’t take offense
this is just a point of view
cuz i’m the only one who
will say these things to you
